Post # 10 - How The Water Dancer reinforced my belief in the power of stories

Stories are powerful. I have not believed in their powers so strongly than in this current crisis. Social media has become, even more than before, a platform for sharing stories. Not a day goes by when my WhatsApp, Instagram or Facebook feed does not have a video which tells me a story of a total stranger. Stories of hope, of failure, of disappointment, of simple joys, of fear, and of death. These stories have connected me and others with people in Italy, Spain, Iran and other parts of the world which are facing the worst of this epidemic at the moment. 

Never has a book reinforced my belief in the power of stories as this one. The protagonist, Hiram Walker, has a special power of conduction through which he can transport people from one place to a completely different place through the medium of water. But it is not just a magical power like Apparition (Harry Potter readers would know) - a select few have the power of conduction and the protagonist was only able to harness it when he reached down into the deepest parts of his past and relived the story of his separation from his mother. Like Hiram, another character, Harriet, can also perform conduction and she, too, reaches out to the stories within her, of her kin and family, to make this miracle happen. In fact, it is she who helps Hiram understand this supernatural ability: "The jump is done by the power of the story. It pulls from our particular histories, from all of our loves and all of our losses." 

Yes, this book is about slavery. About that dark time in America before the civil war when plantation owners had dozens of black men and women working for them; in the fields, in the house, in the factories. When a plantation owner’s standing in society was measured by the number of slaves he owned. In the backdrop of slavery is the story of Hiram - his personal losses, his love, his struggles as a slave and then as a part of the Underground Railroad and above all, his acceptance of his special powers. There is an element of magical realism in this story but then, don’t all stories have magic? Aren’t all stories a doorway into an escape from society and reality? And no matter what device the author decides to use in his story, all stories are important because they transport us to a time and place which we might never have experienced or even known. 

I feel we don’t give importance to stories anymore. Maybe now we will, when the entire world has come to a standstill and all we have to share with each other, as we sit behind closed doors, are stories. We are shaped by the stories of our ancestors because these stories connect us to our roots. To walk away from our stories is to cut off our roots and denounce our identities. No matter where we live or what profession we choose or what car we drive or what phone we carry - our stories make us who we are. For us, the people of the subcontinent, the stories of partition are significant. They make us realise what we were, what we fought against, why we took the step of breaking away, and what we have done with the freedom gifted to us. 

Reading this book left me with a lot of sadness. The world has changed but there are still oppressors and the oppressed. Somewhere, even close to home, are people who are in similar bondage as were the black slaves of America. Distinctions are made, even now, on the basis of skin colour. Atrocities are still being committed by humans on other humans in the name of religion, sect, race, social status and class difference. Children are still separated from their mothers and families are still torn apart. 

The book, though steeped in tragedy, was not all bleak. Where there is darkness, there is also light. There are good people in this world also. People who take up causes and start movements even though they might not be directly affected by them (although if there is one thing this current epidemic has taught, it’s that none of us can remain unaffected by the condition of others who share our planet with us). But humans are resilient creatures. No matter what we are born into and who we become, we have the power to change our lives. What is important, I believe, after reading this book and being forced to sit at home due to a virus, is that our real strength lies in the bonds of love and family. It lies in the stories passed down from one generation to the next and most importantly, in how we take elements from the stories of our ancestors and create our own tale. 

Note: The image in this post is by the author.  

Post # 9 - On Our Wedding Anniversary...

.....I present to you, some very interesting quotes on marriage, from literature.

‘Marriage is between two people. There is no studio audience.' (An American Marriage - Tayari Jones)

Who needs a studio audience when you have social media? However…..

‘A marriage is a very secret place.’  (The Black Prince - Iris Murdoch)

Instagram doesn’t tell the whole truth, always remember that because…

‘In almost every marriage there is a selfish and an unselfish partner.’ (A Severed Head - Iris Murdoch)

Sad, but true. In which case….

‘It is my advice to any woman getting married to start, not as you mean to go on, but worse, tougher, than you mean to go on.' (A Far Cry from Kensington - Muriel Spark)

It might work, it might not work but don’t fret because..

‘Marriages, my dear, are made to be broken, that’s one of the rules of modern civilisation.’  (A Backward Place - Ruth Prawer Jhabvala)

Wait a second…this post is about a celebration of marriage, not dissolution! Most literary masterpieces are usually around unhappy marriages so I think it wasn’t such a good idea to dip into literary quotes..... 

‘Marriage: a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully omitted to investigate.’ 

(The Course of Love - Alain de Botton)

Post # 8 - COVID-19 and Us

The world is at a standstill. As I write this, Karachi is also experiencing a partial shutdown. Schools, most offices, public spaces, malls, restaurants, gyms are all closed. Only grocery stores and pharmacies are open. It is surreal, yes, but also scary on many levels. Firstly there is the fear that I’ve met someone recently who had the virus but didn’t show any symptoms. Secondly, when will it end? Thirdly and most importantly, how will it end? Watching the news has now, more than ever, become a nightmare as reports come from all corners of the world of numbers and statistics. Panic buying and hoarding has started across the world including Karachi. On a lighter note, we have run out of hand sanitisers but we still have ample toilet paper!

Our local government has taken some very strong measures and right now, I think, the Sind Chief Minister is probably making the most intelligent decisions regarding preventive measures. A lot of us, too, were in denial. We were convinced that just washing hands, drinking ample fluids and gargling will help us through this while we go about our regular life. I started raising the alarm ten days back about social distancing in my immediate family and friends circle but I wasn’t taken seriously. Thankfully my hue and cry did make them consult family doctors and many events in our immediate and extended family were cancelled/postponed. I’m hardly stepping out of the house but when I do, I carry a spray bottle full of a mixture of water and Dettol. I’m disinfecting everything which comes in the house. It’s a tedious task but it needs to be done. I have two different age extremes in the house - my elderly in-laws and my 2.7 yo twins. I might start permanently smelling of Dettol after all this is over. 

When will all this be over? When will the world heave a sigh of relief and go back to normal life? Will we ever be able to go back to living as we did before this virus hit us and turned our world topsy turvy? I think there will be a paradigm shift as far as our basic lifestyle is concerned. Or will we go back to our lives in the same manner pretending all this was just a bad dream? 

Building a virus free lego city with
friendly dinosaurs!

In an ideal world, people will turn to books in this difficult time and find solace in stories. They will realise that books provide the perfect escape, even momentarily, from the dreariness and morbidity of being in lockdown. They will read to each other and talk about their most or least favourite books. They’ll go through their bookshelves and find hidden gems which they had bought but never read due to lack of time. They will develop an appreciation for the philosophy of bookworms - with a world full of so many incredible books, who needs people all the time? In an ideal world, yes, that might just happen. 

Act responsibly. Wash your hands. Maintain social distance. Stay home and read a  book. Be grateful for your health and that of your loved ones. Say a prayer for the doctors and nurses who are at the frontline and fighting this virus all over the world. Most importantly, don’t forget to wash your hands. 

Post # 7 - The Books We Hide

Or rather, the book covers we hide. A few years back I bought a copy of Simone de Beauvoir’s, She Came To Stay. The cover featured a nude girl and I remember the shocked expression of a young kid standing next to me when I picked up the book and started reading the blurb. Even I was kind of surprised by the cover because why would a book by Beauvoir need a naked woman? To entice a reader unfamiliar with her work? Someone who picks a Beauvoir book for the cover alone will be massively disappointed because racy is one thing her books are not. 

But what happens when you take out a book from your bag with a naked woman on the cover? Others who happen to glance in your direction assume you’re reading porn. So, what do you do? Cover the book with an old newspaper or wrapping paper or calendar? Which makes it all the more obvious that you’re reading something fishy.

While growing up I came across many calendar covered books in our house. My mother had this rather large collection of Mills and Boon and Barbara Cartland novels and the covers usually had illustrations of buxom women swooning in the muscular arms of tanned, chiseled men. With three curious children roaming around in the house, she made sure the books were always covered by some calendar or wrapping paper. Was she afraid that the covers might make me start reading the books? I never did - not even in university when I had easy access to it through my friends. They, too, always had the novels covered up in paper as they stuffed them quickly into their bags while there weren’t other students around. 

Why didn’t I read these racy novels? Was I trying to prove my literary prowess over others around me? Unfortunately, yes. College and university days are so demanding at so many levels and I felt (and this seems so dumb now) that I could impress others through my books. And if you cover up a book, there isn’t any chance of impressing anyone, is there?

I have, thankfully, outgrown this philosophy and after years of being a book snob have finally come round to reading books which are not in my comfort zone. The DWL Readers’ Club (which I moderate) played a big role in making me reach for books I otherwise never read. Also, I do a lot of my reading outside the house on my Kindle which again, most conveniently, does not display the book I'm reading to the world. 

Times have changed. Social media has made the entire globe our audience and now with a simple click we can share our current read with almost everyone everywhere. The more controversial the read, the better. It might differ from culture to culture and household to household but things which were kept hidden or low key are displayed openly to the world. There was a time in Pakistan when writers like Manto faced trial for obscenity and vulgarity in their writings. Fast forward to the not distant past when book stores around the country openly displayed and sold the Fifty Shades of Grey series. Ironic, no? 

Whether you like to show the world what you’re reading or you’re hiding it from prying eyes or better still, reading on your phone/tablet/kindle, the important thing is that you’re reading. And at the end of the day, that is the ONLY thing that matters!

Post # 6 - Are Mothers supposed to be superheroes? (motherhood series)

When women become mothers, it’s assumed that they will become selfless individuals whose only concern will be the well-being of their child or children. No matter what the situation, as a mother, we need to put the child first. We might be exhausted after a bad night’s sleep or bone tired after a long day with the kids but we are still expected to be calm, patient and not lose it. 

Do women suddenly acquire superpowers after becoming mothers?

None that I know of. At least not yet. In fact, I can only see the powers of reason and sanity slowly seeping away from my grasp. Yet, I fight back and try and behave as if I’m a superwoman. I try and keep it together everyday because that’s what’s expected of me. I try to keep my frustration, my anger and my exhaustion under wraps because unleashing it makes things only worse. With the kids, with the spouse, with others. Especially others because everyone of us is always, always judging everyone else. 

Is there a win-win solution?

Yes and no. Sometimes you find a solution which works but when you decide to reuse it on another day, it completely flops. These days my daughter doesn’t want to leave school. She’ll walk slowly and make many stops on the way from the school gate to the car. All the other children are happily walking with their parents to their respective cars but my little girl wants to do things differently (so much for wanting your child to be ‘different’ from others!). Everyday I have to come up with new and novel ways to make her walk. Some days we pretend that all the trees outside the school have magic buttons which we have to find and press. A big leaf I gave to her yesterday became a tickling device. She ran after me so as to tickle me with the leaf and I played along, leading her successfully to the car. When we reached the car all laughter and happiness, her brother saw the leaf and wanted one also. Unfortunately, we just had that one leaf. 

Can one negotiate with toddlers?

Even play requires negotiations
at times. 

Again, yes and no. I’ve learned two things so far. Firstly, raising my voice yields no results. They scream back, start crying or throw a tantrum. What else can you expect from a 2.6 year old? Yes, my daughter knows that she needs to walk home with me from school to the car but maybe she wants to play first. Maybe she wants me to show her a little extra attention because I’ve been away for three hours. If I start yelling or getting upset with her, she’ll respond in the only way she knows. Crying. That’s the only way she has of expressing her distress, frustration, helplessness, confusion and of course, anger. Secondly, talking to her, I’ve realised, helps me to get control of the situation. Talking in a friendly tone with them makes them trust me. And that’s what I need them to do. Trust me. Implicitly. Always and forever. 

I’m a mother, not a superhero.

As mothers, we do have powers. We have the power to provide the child with an environment in which he/she can not just be happy but also be curious, creative and just be himself/herself. Most importantly, we need to realise that though we have quite a number of powers, we are humans too and need some time off. A cup of coffee in peace, maybe a few uninterrupted minutes of reading or just a power nap keeps our powers intact and makes us happy mothers. And it’s happy mothers who are behind happy babies/toddlers. Not just dry pampers! 

Note: The image in this post is by the author. 

Post # 5 - What do you see in the mirror?

Who among us is not familiar with the magic mirror of the evil Queen (aka step-mother of Snow White) and her famous dialogue, ‘Mirror, Mirror, on the wall - Who is the fairest of them all?’ We, too, ask our mirrors the same question as she did, it’s just that we a) don’t say it out loud and b) aren’t usually in the quest to be the ‘fairest’ of them all. For that we have ample fairness creams in the market. 

Mirrors are dangerous objects. They are both our best friends and worst enemies. Without them, we have no way of knowing how we are physically. Imagine a world without mirrors, where people had no way of knowing if a certain hairstyle suited them or if their clothes fitted properly or looked flattering. In a world devoid of mirrors, the only feedback we will have on our appearance will be from others. Friends, spouse, children, parents, and the looks random strangers give us on the street will be our guide. 

It is a strangely liberating thought but also slightly oppressive. No mirrors to tie saris in front of? No mirrors to help apply makeup to cover our imperfections? No mirrors to tell us if we look too fat, too thin or just right? No mirrors?! At this point in time, I have seven mirrors of different sizes in the house (not counting the mirrors on cupboards and in the bathrooms). If mirrors were to suddenly vanish one day, I’ll have an anxiety attack, not to mention a major decor meltdown! 

Mirror aren't for us humans only!

On the other hand, mirrors weren’t always there for humans to gaze into for hours. It was around 200 years ago that the mirror became a part of our lives. Does that mean the people before us were not interested in their appearance?A little bit of Googling revealed that they had other metals (gold, copper) to see their reflections in. I guess the ones who couldn’t afford these metals could always walk to the nearby lake and check themselves out. 200 years back the lakes weren’t a) dried up and b) choked with all kinds of filth. 

When Harry Potter looked into The Mirror of Erised he saw his family whom he had lost when he was only a year old. Albus Dumbledore told Harry that this magical mirror shows the, ‘deepest, most desperate desires of our heart’. I think we, too, try and seek the truth about ourselves, our most deepest desires when we look into our reflections everyday. I believe one of our most desperate desire is to look perfect because, in all honesty, appearances matter. We might be crumbling and shattered from inside but we have to look put together and in control from the outside. Just like the wicked Queen we, too, can’t accept our mirrors telling us that we aren’t the fairest of them all. 


Note: The image in this post is by the author. 

Post # 4 - How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the books..

What are the best love stories? The ones in which star crossed lovers overcome all obstacles and fall into each other's arms? Or the ones steeped in tragedy where ‘never the twain shall meet.’

Going over my book shelves to pick out my favourite romantic reads made me realise that the greatest love stories usually had tragedy written all over them. Which is, I believe, what makes them enduring and impactful. And if you’re a reader and happen to fall in love, these stories will make you appreciate what you have even more. Maybe. 

True love is hard to find. These books which I’m going to talk about here, briefly, reflect this. But oh, what joy love brings to one’s life even if it is not forever. To have loved once with all your being even if it is not meant to be changes you. Sometimes for the better and other times, like Heathcliff, for the worst. And no, Wuthering Heights is not on this list. 

Love that came too late - The End of the Affair (Graham Greene)

This novel is considered to be one of Greene’s best works and it is a really beautiful, yet tragic love story. The protagonist, Maurice Bendrix, a writer, falls in love with the lovely Sarah, the wife of a boring, regular civil servant, Henry. The lovers have their secret trysts but even though they are madly in love, Sarah refuses to divorce her husband. Bendrix is jealous and obsessive about his love and his struggle with his emotions is really annoying at times. 

The story is set in the backdrop of WWII and when a bomb drops on the apartment block where Bendrix lives, their lives change forever. The affair comes to an abrupt end without any explanation from Sarah which drives Bendrix crazy. Do the lovers ever get to make up? Does Bendrix move on from Sarah’s unfortunate death? There are some moments of real tenderness in this novel, but it becomes a bit preachy towards the end.

“It's a strange thing to discover and to believe that you are loved when you know that there is nothing in you for anybody but a parent or a God to love.”

This was one of Greene’s last Catholic novels (the others include Brighton Rock, The Power and the Glory and The Heart of the Matter). 

For a romantic read with plenty of heartbreaking scenes, this book gets four stars from me. The 1999 movie starring Julianne Moore and Ralph Fiennes is also highly recommended. 

Where love lost to religious beliefs - The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)

There are some books which are physically painful to read. This was one of them. I think it was because I read it when love, the kind experienced by Ralph and Meggie,  seemed like a distant reality and not something that exists beyond books and movies. Ralph is a Catholic Priest and this prevents him from marrying Meggie and this battle between love for her and love for his Lord is agonising for the reader. As a woman, I had no sympathies for Ralph. He wasn’t true to the woman he loved nor to his God. She was resolute in her stand and refused to see justice in his arguments. The ending just makes you cringe at the irony of life. What doesn’t make you cringe is the television series where Ralph is played by the very charming Richard Chamberlain.

This is a very intense love story but it’s also a great novel about family relationships, especially those between siblings. Meggie is headstrong and stubborn but these qualities help her to survive through a bad marriage and other tragedies. It’s a lovely book but a long one. I don’t usually say this but I think you’ll be better off watching the television series which is quite true to the novel.

Another novel which fits this category is Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh. Catholicism is a significant theme in the book. The protagonist, Charles Ryder, is in love with Julia Flyte, the daughter of Lord Marchmain and the owner of the palatial house known as Brideshead Castle. Julia and Charles, though always fond of each other, form a romantic relationship after their respective failed marriages. Religion, though, came in the way of their union. Julia, moved by her father’s last minute return to his Catholic faith on his death bed, takes a step which will make you, dear reader, stare at the book and probably at the walls of the room in disbelief. The only way you can come to terms with the strange, not happily ever after, ending of the book is to watch the 1981 British Television production of the novel. The ending remains the same but watching a young Jeremy Irons in the role of Charles Ryder is a visual delight. 

Where love triumphed over cultural, societal, racial, personal and other complications- The Far Pavilions (M.M.Kaye)

When I added this book to the list, I immediately wanted to re-read it. This is a love story that I never get tired of reading. I knew of this book through the television series which seemed to be on every video cassette my parents had. This was the time before the internet and usually if you liked a favourite series, you recorded it on a VHS which was played on this extinct instrument known as the VCR. 

I’ve re-read this book countless times since I first finished it in my late teens and I’ve never got tired of Anjuli and Ash’s love story. It is a love which is not meant to be and yet overcomes all obstacles and survives everything. It really does! Set in India during the time of the British Raj, this novel take you through the length and breadth of India. From the mountain top palace of the Maharaja of Gulkote, to the barracks of the Corps of Guides and to Kabul  - this love story of Ash and his Anjuli will transport you into a different world. 

That television series I mentioned of the book? Skip it. Read the book. 

Modern Love - Juliet, Naked (Nick Hornby)

"One thing about great art: it made you love people more, forgive them their petty transgressions."

At first glance this book might not appear to be a love story but it is just that. And it isn’t just about finding true love but accepting that one can outgrow love especially if it becomes suffocating and restricting. Annie is in just such a relationship with her long time boyfriend, Duncan, who is obsessed about a rockstar, Tucker Crowe and his music. When a new acoustic unheard of version of Crowe's album, Juliet, comes out Annie and Duncan's relationship takes a U-turn. 

A chance email to Crowe changes Annie’s life forever. It is amazing how two people from completely different walks of life, and completely different continents, can come together so easily. It is a very unconventional romance in a lot of ways but what I liked about it most was how we can stumble upon love when a) we least expect it and b) when we’re not in the prime of our youth. It’s a book that makes you realise that love is a complicated emotion but when you really, truly find it, you better hold on to it real tight. 

Love in Real Life - The Course of Love (Alain de Botton)

This book takes up the story from ‘happily ever after’. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They get married and have children. Is this a love story? Yes, it is very much so. Especially if you’ve been married for five plus years. 

"A marriage doesn't begin with a proposal, or even an initial meeting. It begins far earlier, when the idea of love is born, and more specifically the dream of a soulmate."

Rabih and Kristen are like any other couple. An exciting courtship period where infatuation is at its peak and every prospect pleases. Once the magical honeymoon is over and life settles into its routine is when the power of their love is truly tested. Through the ups and downs experienced by Rabih and Kristen over the many years of marriage and togetherness, the message comes through that love is not only an experience but a skill which needs to be learned and honed and adapted to changing needs and the pressures of the outside world. It’s not your regular romance novel and at times it does seem a bit preachy but if you’ve read the author’s, Essays in Love, you will love this book. 

This crazy thing called love...

Love isn’t simple. It is exhilarating, uplifting, heartbreaking, disappointing, powerful, and yet at the same time, a feeling that can make a person feel like jelly. The greatest love stories, I believe, are the ones which can make us experience falling in love, all over again. Some of these and others have made me cry and laugh and feel warm and fuzzy all over. Which are your favourite love stories?


Note: All images in this post are by the author.