Post # 8 - embracing vulnerability, finding courage

If you're familiar with my blogs or know me in person, you'll know that I've always struggled with my writing. The problem was not with the stories or essays I wanted to write. The problem was my approach to it. Whenever I sat down to write, before putting down even one word on the blank screen or paper, I'd build a fort around me. A fort with strong walls and a moat with blood thirsty alligators. The purpose of this fort was to ensure that my vulnerability remained behind walls and did not creep into my words. 

The more I stayed away from writing, the stronger this fort became. And I never tried to destroy it because I was afraid. There was this deep rooted fear inside me of what might happen if I let my vulnerability leave the fort. This fear has not come overnight but has developed over years and years. Once I started thinking on this, incidents from my life started playing like a film reel, showing me in progression how the seeds of this fear were planted.

What made me started thinking about this after all these years? It was a talk by the famous American researcher-storyteller, Brené Brown, which suddenly rung a bell. It was some months back when I, quite by accident, came across her Ted Talk titled, The Power of Vulnerability. It was the title that caught my attention and then what she said left me in shock. It felt as if she was talking to me. Just me. 

Before I go any further let me clarify that I'm one of those people who doesn't read self-help books. If a friend recommended a self-help book, I'd make a face and proudly proclaim that 'I-don't-read-such-books'. But over the years, cracks have started to come in the facade of the fort and when I heard Brené Brown talk, I knew I'd found the right person.

Vulnerability, according to her, is the birthplace of creativity. The one thing she said that really resonated with me was, 'tell the story of who you are with your whole heart'. 

How can you tell YOUR story with your WHOLE heart when you've built walls around you? And trust me, it isn't easy to break down the walls and let yourself be seen. It took me a few months to actually trust her words and destroy the fort. Even now, as I write this, a few remnants of the fort still remain, but I've managed to let my vulnerability escape and let it come through.

So, from today, I'll like to tell my story with my whole heart. I don't know if it will resonate with anyone. I don't know if it'll make an impact in the life of someone. What I do know is that I need to tell my story. But more than that, I want to tell my story.