Seriously, what’s the point of it all?
I ask myself this question now and then. It’s a question which indicates that I’m going through an existential crisis. Which is something a lot of us go through several times in our lifespan (if anyone tells you otherwise they’re either lying or they don’t know that what they’re going through or went through is known as an existential crisis).
I’ve been re-reading one of my favourite novels by Nick Hornby - Juliet, Naked. The last time I read it was in 2010 and I wasn’t going through any major soul-searching dilemmas at that time so I had forgotten that this novel screamed existential crisis at almost every other page.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a great book, probably one of his best novels. I loved re-reading it but what I had missed the first time was a) that this was a coming of age story but of adults which kind of translates as mid-life crisis and b) the protagonist, a woman, was roughly the same age as I am now when she started questioning where the last fifteen years of her life went. Her questioning brought to the surface some tough questions of my own life and doings which eventually culminated into this one observation/question:
What’s the point of it all?
I’m at a strange place in my life. I want to write but am afraid of it. Not of the hard work involved but of exposing my vulnerabilities. It takes a lot of courage to lay yourself bare which is something I realised and took inspiration from when I read the book, It’s Not About the Burqa. This collection of essays from female British Muslim authors was very inspiring. Some of the stories were so, so personal and painful yet the authors penned them down and shared them with the world. Is writing a blog everyday also something like that? No, not really. Especially when everyday you check your site and realise, with a sinking heart, that nobody is interested in your writing. Which brings us back to the original question.
Seriously, what’s the point of it all?
I know this sounds a bit like a very sad cry for help but it isn’t that at all. Okay, maybe just a bit. And in case you feel like sending me a nice email or leaving a sweet comment, please feel free to do it. Now is a good time. NOW is a very good time.
[This is post no. 3 of my #dailyJuly series on the beanbag].
Existential Crisis is real and it is probably more pronounced after our 40s as we seem to embark on the downward slope of life....For the 9-5 workers like me, it hits us daily in the face....looking out of the office window, with a huge sense of the absurdity of it all....i feel it more like an existential nausea which is inescapable...people, material well being and the eternal flow of time into the void is both scary and sickening..
ReplyDeleteFor me, Albert Camus depicts the daily grind of meaningless existence.perfectly well...I agree that most suffer from it but those suffer most who become conscious of it....
As far as reading your blogs is concerned, some like me receive regular email updates and I do read all ..In fact i commented on your Ramzan post of May as Anonymous , but you never respond to comments....I am also a recipient of one of your books , The Vagabond' under the "A book 4 U' scheme...
Best Regards
Thank you for your comments! There was something wrong with my settings and the comments weren't showing..something I have finally fixed! Please keep reading and commenting...your feedback is what keeps me going!
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